This is the 2^nd in a blog series dedicated to helping parents help their children and teens become more resilient. The first blog about Competence is linked here. The next skills of Confidence and Connection both help kids to be able to bounce back from difficulties.

Confidence is the solid beliefs in one’s own abilities and it is rooted in competence. When the challenge is outweighing skills, it often results in feelings of anxiety, and when the skills outweigh challenges, it can result in feelings of boredom. Confidence is that middle ground when our skills meet our challenges. The way to build confidence is to have small, successive successes. When we have anxiety around doing things it usually means that we are lacking skills to successfully handle the challenge. Skills can be developed and increase confidence, but skills are not going to be developed through passive means (such as the average 7.5 hours of screen time that teenagers have per day). It will happen as they are wiling to take risks in athletics, arts, relationships, or any other skill requiring activities.

Tips for Parents to Build Confidence in Their Children

1. Praise children honestly about specific achievements: Notice what your children are doing right, catch them being good, and tell them specifically what they are doing well rather than general comments like “Good job.”
2. Hold realistically high expectations: When you notice their strengths and expect them to rise to their potential, most kids and teens will feel self-motivated to rise to the challenges. Don’t rescue them and inadvertently send the message that you think they are incapable.
3. Provide opportunities for success: Help your kids feel confident by giving them appropriate and incremental challenges.

Connection is the next “C” of resilience. Connection is having close ties with family, friends, and others in the community. Connection gives us the luxury of being weak at times and to be able to receive support. Secure connections can also help children and teens have the security to venture out and take chances. Some skills to improving connections are empathic listening, playfulness, and leaving behind the lectures.

Tips for Parents to Help Children and Teens Build Connections are:

1. Have family rituals: When they are young this might mean a comforting night routine and as they grow older there can still be a ritual of saying goodnight, checking in when they get home no matter how late, or sharing a funny story from the day for example.
2. Successfully Navigate Shifting Friendships: In childhood and adolescence, friendships are frequently changing and often for inexplicable reasons. Parents can help children feel that they are crazy about their kids no matter what and it can help kids have a secure base to then to navigate the changes and challenges with friendships.
3. Help You Children Widen the Circle: Especially as children get older, they can have increasing opportunities to develop friendships with others in the community. They can find good mentors in coaches, teachers, or people from church for example.