When the first Star Trek reboot film came out in 2009, not only did it finally become cool to like Star Trek, but we were introduced to the cadet version of the highly logical and limitedly emotional character of Spock. For those of you who are now thinking, “Really, Star Trek?” bear with me. What is lesser known about Vulcans (the “ethnicity” box that Spock would check when applying for a drivers license) is that they are an intensely emotional race. In fact, their passions run so high, they must learn to suppress their feelings to be able to adequately function without being in a state of constant emotional hysteria.
As humans, we do not typically carry the burden of having to consistently reign in a Pandora’s box of emotion. However, we do have times when we are pushed on by the challenges of life, we are driven into states of heightened anxiety, deep depression, or mood swings that cause us to alternate between the two extreme emotional states. While we many not often have control over our external circumstances, we can practice emotional regulation through the use of some basic cognitive tools used commonly in the therapeutic process. Here are four such tools:
1. Acceptance: When anxiety or depression hit, our initial reaction is often to panic or become discouraged at the internal experience we are having. This can have the unfortunate affect of feeding back into, and even amplifying, the symptoms. While we do not have to welcome unpleasant emotions, we can learn to create space for them when they show up. Practicing an attitude of “Yep here comes anxiety, right on cue!” while continuing to peruse what we value in life can often help in taking the edge off.
2. Diffusion: Do you ever become so enmeshed with your thoughts that you get carried away in an upward escalation to panic or a downward spiral to despair? I have interviewed countless individuals who have the “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not going to make it through this!” songs stuck in their head which they rehearse so consistently the thoughts become fused into their functioning. Diffusion is the practice of recognizing our thoughts as thoughts and not necessarily as our reality. One useful way to practice this skill is to say to one’s self “I notice I am having the thought I am worthless” thus acknowledging the difference between the thought and the legitimacy of that thought.
3. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Once we create space between us and our thoughts, we can look at the content of our thoughts objectively and challenge that content. If we notice our mind telling us we’re a failure and we’re able to put that thought aside and examine it, we can then question the thought’s legitimacy. One way to do this is to make a list of evidence for and against our thoughts. In what ways am I a failure? In what ways have I succeeded in life? Chances are we will find more overall success than failures.
4. Take a Break!: If you’re having trouble with any of these first three tools, take a break! You can do this through a variety of activities of your own choosing. While participating in those activities, practice letting go of negative thoughts and be in the moment. One way to do this is to breathe deeply and tune into your senses. If you are in nature, what do you see or smell? If you’re in your car, what sounds do you notice? Music on the radio, CD, or MP3? Your kids in the back seat? What textures do you feel around you such as furniture or clothing?
While we may not be able to become completely emotionless like Spock, we can take simple steps to regulate our emotions in order to function and live life with vitality!
