Do you or your partner feel that your intimacy often gets put on the back burner? Or do you feel that you are just too tired at the end of the day? It’s likely that the expectation for spontaneity in your intimacy is part of the problem. Many of us have expectations that intimacy will always spontaneously occur and that is the way it should be. With the stress of day-to-day life and busy schedules, for many couples, this romanticized idea is unrealistic. It’s great to be spontaneous sometimes but if that is always the expectation, you are missing out on a key ingredient to enhancing your sexual relationship: anticipation.
Anticipation and scheduling time to be intimate has many benefits. Many couples have a hard time talking to their partner about their sexual relationship. Scheduling will help you open up communication so you can both be on the same page, which will reduce the fear of rejection (one of the roadblock to communication). Anticipating your intimate time together will give you an opportunity to think about how you might choose to be intimate. Be flexible and talk about a variety of emotional and physical ways to bond with each other. Rather than deciding spontaneously late at night after you go to bed and are both exhausted, use scheduling to improve your experience by being able to be present and energized. Be flexible and choose a time where you will both have energy and will be able to be mentally present.
Instead of limiting yourself to spontaneous romantic encounters, talk with your partner about planning some time to be intimate. If you plan time, you will be able to use the power of anticipation to help you have a different experience. Make an effort to think about it throughout the day and even flirt with your partner like you used to do in the beginning of your relationship. Some people think scheduling sex will take the romance out of it, but scheduling time together and anticipating it will create a positive cycle. You will have more opportunities to be intimate and your experiences will be more positive, which will likely increase your spontaneous encounters too. This will create a healthy balance in your relationship. You’ll be amazed at the difference it can make!
