This is part 3 in a blog series dedicated to helping parents help their teens and children become more resilient. Part 1 about Resilience & Competence is linked here, and part 2 about Confidence & Connection is linked here. Two more qualities that help people become more resilient to the stressors and demands of life are if they have developed healthy coping strategies and live a life with integrity.

Coping is the ability to deal appropriately with stress. Building healthy coping strategies helps teens and kids know that they have resources for when they have a bad day. The problem is that a lot of things people do to feel better and in the long run are not helpful and can make things much worse. Some unhealthy coping that parents can look for in their children are drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, eating disorders, cutting or self-mutilation, skipping school, isolation, sex, bullying, or running away.

Tips for parents to help their kids Cope:

1. Help them develop a stress management plan of how they can manage the physical, mental, spiritual, social, and emotional stressors in a healthy way. A link to Dr. Ginsberg’s stress management plan outline can be found here.
2. Be aware of the unhealthy ways that your child copes. Have a conversation with them when they are not stressed and try to listen and understand why your child goes to that method. Together plan an alternative method that can fulfill the same need.
3. Be aware of healthy coping strategies and introduce them to your children. Some examples may include journaling, relaxation techniques, exercise, talking with a close friend, talking with a caring adult, spend time in nature, playing or listening to music, humor and playfulness, reading, or calming the senses by using mindfulness techniques like taste, touch, smell, hearing, balance, vision, or breathing.

Character is having a clear sense of right and wrong and a commitment to integrity. Many people may have other components of resilience, but if character is lacking then they can pay serious and long-term consequences. People with character makes wise choices, contribute to the world, have a caring attitude toward others and in return enjoy a sense of self-worth and confidence.

Tips for parents to help their kids develop Character:

1. Model character in your own life. They are watching and notice when you take something back to the store that the clerk forgot to ring up or any other way you demonstrate integrity. In general, your kids will live up or down to your expectations of them.
2. Help them to develop moral reasoning strategies for decision making. For example, do they makes choices based on obedience/punishment reasoning, what right/fair for me reasoning, how others will perceive me reasoning, the laws of the land reasoning, best for public interest reasoning, or consistent with self-chosen moral principles reasoning?
3. Be aware of any conscious or unconscious strategies that your kids use to compromise their character, and help them change it. These may include manipulations such as lying, cheating, stealing, rationalization, minimization, or shaming among others.