Most of us are taught at a young age to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ along with other polite ways to interact with others. We are taught to be kind to people, treat others the way we would want to be treated, and to be considerate of others. Well, some people might not be taught these things but as we get older, most people learn this at some point in their lives. Whether they practice it or not is a different story. But, if you practice this in your relationship with your spouse and your children, you can grow closer to each other, share happiness and strengthen your relationships.
Many couples forget their manners and how to be kind in their relationships. Many couples that come in for couples counseling are surprised at what a difference this can make for them and how it does make them feel happier and closer to their spouse.
Think about the way you speak to your spouse and kids. Are you demanding? Polite? Disrespectful? Nice? Would you want to be spoken to the way you are speaking towards them? The atmosphere in our homes can be completely turned around when everyone starts being kind and using polite manners with each other.
Instead of telling my son “take out the trash” which can come off demanding, I would say “please take out the trash” or “I would appreciate if you would take the trash out for me”. I am also sure to tell him “thank you” after the task is completed. There are chores to be done that some parents would think we don’t need to thank our children for doing. But if we let them know we are thankful for their help, we are teaching them to appreciate our help and things we provide them. They should be telling you “thank you” when you do things for them as well.
When it comes to our spouse we should use the same kindness. People are often more willing to happily do something when they are asked nicely. When you need help from your spouse, ask politely, use the words “please” or “would you be able to….” Asking nicely will go a lot further than telling them to do something. Tell them “thank you” for their help, their support, and their kindness and let them know you appreciate them and what they do.
