From my therapy chair, I have been honored to catch an image of human people so beautiful and human heart’s questions so honest, that it has elicited in me all of my feelings of gentleness, love, and compassion to help find answers. I would like to share with you today a myriad of questions that these beautiful people have come asking and a reliable vehicle for getting emotional relief. Buckle up!

1. Should I stay in a long-term relationship that I have lost some trust in?
2. How can I help my son not hurt himself?
3. My life is so busy, how can I get some sleep and some peace when all of the responsibility really is on me?
4. I can’t get out of bed because I am emotionally hurting, can you help me?
5. We both run when conflict happens, how can we learn to cope differently?
6. I am single and feel alone, how long can I manage this feeling?
7. I get caught ruminating on so many possible negative outcomes; can you help me manage my anxiety?
8. My parents divorced, and I am confused, can you help me not blame myself?
9. I have been in a domestic violence situation, what is best for me?
10. I have a lot of pain from my childhood that I have never addressed, but I think it is getting in my way. Can I do anything about it now?

People come looking to arrive at an emotional healing destination that is unique to their situation. Here is the 3-part vehicle that has helped many people get where they would like to be:

1. An Emotionally Safe Relationship– If you like your therapist and feel safe with them, did you know that you are 30% more likely to attain your therapeutic goals? The first component of emotional healing is to feel safe. If you are working toward couple’s or family therapy, the first goal is to help your relationships with each other start to feel more emotionally safe during the sessions first and then outside the sessions. Indicators that a relationship is safe are that the person can take your perspective with a non-judgmental stance, recognize your emotions, and communicate their understanding.
2. Permission to Feel– In order to be able to leave a negative emotion, you must first be able to arrive there, so you can create a new meaning and get some relief. This is why safety is first. Many people stay stuck because they have avoided the painful emotions because they did not feel safe enough to approach it or the ability to create a new meaning. Within the safe relationship, you are ready for the work, which creates the shift.
3. Invite the Compassion to Fill You– When you better understand where you have been, what got you there, and why, you can begin to see yourself with more light and recognize just how “human” you really are. You then learn to invite the compassion that the safe person has for you in, how to develop and invite it in for and from yourself, and from others who can also see you more clearly. This is where the healing is, when you can receive the love and let it fill the pain that was once so present.

Below a short narrative in which captures the feelings related to this journey. Something like this might happen after a few sessions, after uncovering the stuck emotional space together, and when my client feels ready to shift.

“I hold my humanity with gentleness as you walk beside me to my darkest place. I have been avoiding it for a while now, but I think I am ready. I have avoided it in hopes that it would go away, but it always seems to gnaw at me when I least expect it. I carry with me this time a small flame that you helped me light before we left. Here we are. Yes, I remember now the swirling darkness, but this time is different with you near me. With your nod of encouragement, I feel safe. Closing my eyes, I leave the busyness surrendering to my inner knowing and heart space. I breathe, just noticing. You ask what my heart is teaching me? It screams that this place was hell, and I feel intense fear. As I bow my head in pain, you stay with me guiding me to give myself permission to feel the fear and awfulness of this place. Yes, that’s it you say. You tell me that these tears are healing tears and that I am doing good work. I breathe. The little flame before me begins to fill the darkened space, I can see myself, and I am glad.”