As infants, when we felt distressed, we were offered several methods of self-soothing or calming. These include being swaddled, held, sucking on a pacifier, listening to white noise or the calming voice of a caregiver. The need to be able to calm or soothe ourselves remains with us as adults, however, the tools aren’t as readily offered to us. Sometimes we turn to unhealthy methods of self-soothing such as eating indulgently, turning to substances, zoning out in front of the TV or other electronics or shutting down emotionally. Feeling distressed can have a negative impact on relationships by draining our emotional energy so it is important that we know how to calm ourselves in healthy ways. Here are some suggestions to get you started.

Take a walk.
Call a friend.
Practice mindful breathing and muscle relaxation.
Keep a smooth stone in your pocket and run your thumb over it.
Try a repetitive activity such as rocking in a chair or knitting.
Listen to soothing music.
Play an instrument.
Practice yoga.
Write in a journal.
Light a scented candle.

Engaging your senses in whatever activity you chose is important. It may take some trial and error to figure out what works best for you but don’t give up. Whatever activity you chose, just do something that gets you out of your everyday routine. Practicing relaxation and self-soothing for a few minutes everyday will improve your physical and emotional response to stress. Your mind will be more calm and you will be able to think more clearly. Everyone is busy and it seems we don’t have time to spend on relaxation every day, but it will be worth the few minutes it takes. A calmer mind will help you be a better partner in your relationship and help you deal with everyday stress. Take a few minutes to practice some self-soothing today and see what difference it makes.