Did you ever have a relationship where it felt “gamey?” Like, “I called him last so now he has to call me first” or “I am just going to wait a few more hours to text her back so that she can just wonder for a while.” While those types of games can damage relationships, here are some games that can actually make your relationship better and more secure.
The Games
- “Catch Your Partner”
How to play: Choose the top 3 admirable qualities in your partner and they choose them for you. Play a game where you catch each other when they are doing what they do best. This may be courage, kindness, or clever. When you notice the good things and point them out, it is validating and encouraging. It helps to recognize the good things that are going on right now.
- “Remember”
How to Play: Keep a favorite picture of your partner as a little child on your phone or in your wallet. Every time a resentment arises because something he or she did was not meeting your expectation, look at the photograph of your partner and look at the brave, special, or adorable face and think of the child’s personality. What is it that you love about those eyes looking at you? Then remember that those qualities are still there. Remember the qualities that helped you come together in the first place.
- “Love Maps”
Drs. John and Julie Gottman explained that at the foundation of a good relationship is knowledge of the inner psychological world of your partner. What makes them happy or sad, nervous or glad? What are their worries, stresses, or hopes? The love maps game can help facilitate that valuable knowledge.
How to play: You can do an Internet search for Love Maps Questions (or download the Gottman Institute’s Love Map’s App for $1.99). You will find a list of questions. Each partner takes a turn choosing a number and you be the judge on the answer If your partner answers the questions correctly he or she gets the number listed after the question and you also get 1 point.
These simple games can bring more strength to your most important relationships. You can also make up your own relationship building games. Remember, “Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.” –Rose Franken
