So, you’ve reach a point in your relationship where you are starting to think that you are losing yourself. In the words of a song by Ben Platt “Grow As We Go”:

You say there’s so much
you don’t know
You need to go and find
yourself
You say you’d rather be
alone
‘Cause you think you won’t
find it tied to someone
else

All too often I hear similar thoughts being expressed in couples counseling in my office in Salt Lake. Couples will ask, “Should we just take a break away from one another so we can figure ourselves out?” My answer, is an emphatic “no” almost 100% of the time (there very few circumstances where I may recommend it).

Couples need to learn to learn to grow together! I like the way this idea is expressed in the refrain of “Grow As We Go”:

Ooh, who said it’s true
That the growing only happens on your own?
They don’t know me and you
You don’t ever have to leave
If to change is what you need
You can change right next to me
When you’re high, I’ll take the lows
You can ebb and I can flow
And we’ll take it slow
And grow as we go
Grow as we go
Grow as we go
Grow as we go

When couples are committed to working on improving their relationship, it needs to happen in the context of daily life. Happy couples, successful couples, change right next to one another and grow as they go throughout life together.